One Morning, the First Morning
by Sarsel
Summary: Scarlett wakes up one morning feeling rather sad. Takes place during the novel after Scarlett tells Rhett she doesn't want anymore children.


Another piece of GWTW fiction  
  
  
Scarlett gasped and gripped the sheet tightly with both hands.  
  
(sigh, my first line is written. Do I want to take this there? It could go other places? Could I taint GWTW with my own salacious thoughts? …… Nope. I'm too chicken.)  
  
What a nightmare that had been! Once again she'd found herself alone and deserted in an impenetrable shroud of fog. Fear had clutched at her breast and her heartbeat began to race. She felt terror rise in her throat and as panic set in she took of running; a mad helpless sprint to nowhere with nothing around her. No true recognition remained, only her deep sobbing breaths and the memory of a pain so distant, yet so distinct. The shock of waking did little to appease the turbulent wave of harsh emotions in Scarlett until many seconds passed and relief began to pour over her. But relief soon gave way to a new fear that the old dream had returned. Would she never escape the terror that haunted her for so long? Scarlett almost wept again in her pain and desperation. She'd spent a good deal of time crying before she'd finally fallen asleep on top of her bed last night. How horrible life was. She'd spoken with Rhett last night and everything she'd wanted to say had been said, but she was thoroughly dissatisfied with what she'd wanted and received. Rhett would leave her alone and no longer share her bed. Alone. The last thing in the world she ever wanted to be was alone, but without Rhett and alone had seemed like severely different things yesterday. Now they were mirror twins.   
Scarlett clung fast to the bed as she felt a wave of embarrassment and sorrow come upon her again at these realizations. She so dearly wanted to cry again and almost gave way to the tears that threatened to seal her miserable existence. But before her self-control broke Scarlett grasped one stray thought that destroyed all others. She was weak. Only a weak fool would be lying here on her bed crying for getting what she asked for. Before her heart could once again plead in agony and disbelief that she'd asked for this, Scarlett sided with the calm practicality of her mind. What was done was done and the only thing to do was to make the best of it and push the event from her mind. She'd done what she'd done for her supposedly good reasons and whether those reasons seemed good enough or not today, they'd been satisfactory the day before. Ashley was her reason and she was determined to stick to it. Embarrassment and the knowledge that Rhett knew, was nothing to stop Scarlett O'Hara. The only thing to do was get dressed, walk out the door and go about her day. She would deal with the consequences of her actions, but only if she met them with her head high, not cowering in her room. Only then could she dismiss that which she didn't find pleasant, in favour of that which did.  
With the very forced air of control, Scarlett pushed herself off of the bed and walked to he closet to choose a dress for the day. As she walked, part of her moaned at the dramatic pains that she couldn't push aside completely. The pressure of her feet on the floor seemed so unnatural when her life had been twisted upside down. Peering through her dresses, like she did every day, was almost a sacrilege against a heart that felt like it was breaking. But Scarlett could not dwell on these thoughts. They were not logical and had no real baring on her life. Why should her heart feel broken? She didn't love Rhett and the part of her crying deserved only to be ignored. Scarlett chose a dress and called for Lou to help her get dressed and to fix her hair. Soon enough the utilities of the morning were through and Scarlett was ready to face the day outside of her sanctuary of a bedroom. Sanctuary…. Like a nun locked away. Was that going to be her fate for living for Ashley? It didn't occur as a very structured thought, but would her actions for Ashley keep her from living her own life? The sense of the question assaulted Scarlett and once again she brushed it aside with as much frivolity as she could manage; Philosophical questions were not for her. She wanted breakfast.  



End file.
